What happens when the life you were taught to want no longer feels big enough for who you are becoming?
For many folks, especially those raised in religious, culturally conservative, or emotionally restrictive environments, the QUESTION about relationships types alone can feel off limits. Questions about desire. About freedom. About whether love has to follow the script to be real.
In a deeply honest conversation on Embracing All of Me, licensed professional counselor and certified sex therapist Kelvin Pace invites listeners to rethink what they’ve been taught about intimacy, monogamy, and emotional honesty. Still the episode is about far more than non-monogamy.
It’s actually about autonomy.
“Why would we want to sacrifice who we are to be in relationship?” Kelvin asks during the conversation. “That’s crazy!”
Kelvin explains that consensual non-monogamy is not always “about sex,” despite the stereotypes. For many, expansive relationships are about emotional connection, community, communication, and releasing shame around attraction and desire. Kelvin also pushes back against the idea that monogamy and non-monogamy are opposites. In fact, there is a relationship orientation and a spectrum involved.
“There’s no qualifier with monogamy,” Kelvin says. “Even though there should be.”
The conversation also explores how Black communities, religion, and inherited relationship scripts shape the way people understand intimacy. Kelvin reflects on growing up in Southern Baptist culture in Atlanta George where sex was often discussed through fear and shame instead of emotional literacy.
Shame has consequences. According to a 2023 YouGov poll, nearly one-third of Americans say “their ideal relationship looks different from complete lifelong monogamy,” yet conversations about relationship diversity remain heavily stigmatized and a spectacle.
One of the most powerful moments in the conversation arrives when Kelvin reframes jealousy itself. “Your emotions are just emotions,” he explains. “Our behaviors are what can become harmful.” Instead of treating insecurity as failure, he encourages people to approach emotions with curiosity and communication.
For listeners navigating bisexuality, queer identity, relationship uncertainty, or simply trying to reconnect with themselves more honestly, this episode offers something rare: permission to ask the question without shame.
As Ross Victory reminds listeners near the end of the episode, the deeper conversation is not really about labels at all.
“It’s about autonomy, honesty, communication, and the courage to understand ourselves a little more fully.”
Listen to the full episode to hear Kelvin Pace unpack the emotional realities behind consensual non-monogamy, relationship agreements, emotional accountability, and what it means to embrace your full self without shrinking to fit inherited expectations.